Tips for less dysfunctional churches

I recently watched the film Spotlight on a date. It's a film about the Catholic Church's cover-up of child sexual abuse. This might seem like a downer, but the other option was Schindler’s List. About halfway through I said we needed to stop. I have had some experiences relating to abuse in churches (and other communities) and it all got a bit much. In some ways, though, it felt kind of cathartic. It crystallised my desire to give some thoughts to Christians on church structure, though perhaps non-Christians might find it interesting too. Largely I hope to avoid some failure modes I have seen evidence of. Before I do, I want to try and make clear what I am, and am not, talking about. When I am talking about dysfunctional churches, I am not talking about theology, I think that if I described behaviours, most readers, Christian and non-Christian, would agree they were bad. Some examples of these churches would be: The Catholic Church in the run-up to the child sexual abuse scandal The Mars Hill church by the end, which I would characterise as bullying and a culture where Mark Driscoll largely had immunity from criticism Churches with bullying, sexual harassment, child abuse When I talk to Christians about whether they could be wrong, they often have a notion that they’re praying, they’re faithful, so they’ll just do their best and God will sort it out. I am not arguing that. Instead, I want to present suggestions that exist within the scope of the Bible (I can provide chapter and verse if you want) that I think reduce broadly agreed harms. Many people at dysfunctional churches are faithful[1] Christians. But I think they are fundamentally missing out on tools that even the Bible provides for them, to their suffering and to mine, as one of their friends. So what are some patterns I see? Leadership put on a pedestal so as to never be capable of failing standards Upstanding members of the church leaving People who are allowed unique behaviours that wouldn't be allowed for others Information being siloed So here are some ways that churches can push back against these patterns, which hopefully would have ended a lot of heartache, including that I have seen and that I worry I might see more of in the future. Standards for Leadership The Bible has standards for leadership (1 Timothy 3:1-13, Titus 1:5-9, 1 Peter 5:1-3), does your church? Are there standards for leadership? Are there things that a leader cannot do even though they are powerful and bring people through the door? And if they behave badly, would this be shared amongst other leaders or would this be kept secret? I want to be in communities where there are some behaviours which are a bright line. Partly because this seems good in itself, but partly because it means that some things can’t be hidden. It is my view that no one is useful enough to a community that they should get away with murder. The same is true of sexual harassment and moderate levels of bullying. I am not exaggerating here. How did the Catholic Church come to the conclusion that moving paedophile priests from location to location was okay? How did Mark Driscoll get away with sidelining and bullying people for so long? It’s easy to think “this person is too valuable to let go” and if there is no policy, then everyone has to make up his or her own mind. Personally I’m pretty pro gossip, but churches sometimes aren’t, which means that you just might not hear about it. It should be clear that at some point, people must share what they know. People leaving Are people leaving the church in general, maybe particularly people who you wouldn't expect to be leaving? And why? It's often easy to come up with individual reasons, but if it's happening a lot, have you taken an hour to think if there is a pattern? Have you consulted with external church leaders or wise Christians who would tell you to your face of issues? Would you listen to them if they suggested things? Have you made changes? What would external people of integrity think? I think it's worth considering what people outside of your group would think, perhaps people from local churches, or other denominations of Christians, perhaps even other faiths or atheists. Let us imagine we are Catholics. Could we justify child molestation being covered up for decades or centuries? I doubt I could. In some way, I think my friends have been useful to me in the opposite direction. Is it normal that the guy who funded me made his money from crypto, a notoriously scammy field? Do I have trouble finding someone to date, or am I just afraid of commitment? Are trans women literally women? These kinds of things are easy enough to say in front of ideological allies but it gets trickier in front of someone who I respect who believes different things. I am glad I have friends who disagree on important issues. How do you respond to bad outcomes? One way to try and tie the above together is to think about how you respond if people leave or if something i